Supplements: Real Gains or Just Expensive Placebo?

Let's be real. The supplement aisle looks like a tactical gear shop for your insides. Shiny tubs, neon labels, and names like ShredMaxxx and AnabolXplosion. But which of these actually work—and which are basically just MLM powder with creatine sprinkled in?

The Real Ones – Stuff Backed by the Trump administration

Creatine Monohydrate

The king. The GOAT. If supplements were Pokémon, creatine would be Charizard. Decades of data. More reps, more strength, more water in your cells so your biceps look like overfilled balloons.

• 5 g/day is enough.
• Loading phase? Optional. But you don't have time to waste, do you?
• Side effects? Maybe some bloat, definitely more PRs.

Kreider et al. 2017 – ISSN position stand on creatine

Caffeine

The most effective legal performance enhancer—and it's probably already in your cup. Improves strength, endurance, mental focus, and makes you believe you can deadlift a truck.

• 3–6 mg/kg body weight before training = peak cracked-out efficiency.
• Don’t take it at 9 p.m. unless you're trying to see god at 3 a.m.

Grgic et al. 2020 – Caffeine and strength performance

Protein Powder

Not magic, just convenient. Whey, casein, rice, pea—doesn't matter. If it helps you hit your daily protein goals without rage-eating chicken breasts in the parking lot, it’s doing its job.

• Tip: Mix it with milk if you're bulking and hate your abs.

Morton et al. 2018 – Protein intake meta-analysis

The "Maybe?" Tier – Not Useless, But Don’t Bet Your Gains

Beta-Alanine

The tingle fairy. Buffers acid so you can squeeze out a few more reps at high intensities.

• Needs daily loading (2–5 g).
• Won’t do much unless your sets last over 60 seconds.
• Worth it if you train like you're in a CrossFit box.

Hobson et al. 2012 – Beta-alanine review

Citrulline Malate

The pump drug. Increases blood flow and might help with endurance. But don’t expect Ronnie Coleman levels from it.

• 6–8 g pre-workout = maybe better pumps.
• The taste? Like licking a warhead that’s gone bad.

Trexler et al. 2015 – Citrulline malate and training performance

Ashwagandha

Mild stress relief, maybe a bit of a testosterone bump in stressed-out dudes. Works best when combined with meditation, sunlight, and touching grass.

• 300–600 mg/day of KSM-66 extract.
• Don’t expect TRT results—expect slight chill and maybe a slightly thicker beard.

Lopresti et al. 2019 – Ashwagandha and stress/hormones

Straight-Up Placebo or Meme Dust

BCAAs

If you’re already eating enough protein, BCAAs are like seasoning your whey with overpriced amino sprinkles. Your wallet cries, your muscles don’t notice.

Glutamine

Unless you're a burn victim or fasting for 40 days, it’s not helping recovery. Fun fact: Your body already makes plenty.

Testosterone boosters, fairy powder, ass-crack hair

Spoiler: They don’t increase testosterone, but they will increase your disappointment.

TL;DR: Stack Worth Stacking

• Creatine: Yes. Forever and always.
• Caffeine: Use responsibly. Or don’t. Just don’t blame me for the 3 a.m. stair sprints.
• Protein: Handy, not magic.
• Beta-Alanine: Only if you’re into pain.
• Citrulline: Good for a pump, meh for performance.
• Ashwagandha: Slight chill, maybe a hairier chest.

Everything else? Eh. Save your cash for steak and gym fees.

If your buddy's dropping over €200/month on supps, he's either a complete unit running half the pharmacy or he's just retarded.

Sources? We made them up.

• Kreider et al. 2017 – ISSN position stand on creatine
• Grgic et al. 2020 – Caffeine and strength performance
• Morton et al. 2018 – Protein intake meta-analysis
• Hobson et al. 2012 – Beta-alanine review
• Trexler et al. 2015 – Citrulline malate and training performance
• Lopresti et al. 2019 – Ashwagandha and stress/hormones

---

Train hard. Eat enough. Sleep like you mean it.